Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I'm sorry sounds so cliché

My good friend Dennis (shirtless in the picture) died yesterday morning. He was seriously ill and had been hospitalized for a month. He wanted to go home so badly, luckily he did go home on Monday, and got to spend his final night at home. I'm pretty numb right now to be honest. I had just recently visited him in Boston last week and thought he wouldn't pass on for at least a few more months.
I didn't fool myself into thinking he would heal completely, I knew he wouldn't last but I had hope. Now all hope is gone. Dennis is gone. My friend is gone. And I'm walking around in a daze trying to think my way out of this mind fog. I feel sad. Sad for him mostly as I know he was sick , uncomfortable and weak. Ultimately, from what I understand, his heart couldn't hold out.
People say to me "I'm sorry." Why? Sorry appears to be the words to say to Dennis, not me. My sorrow will heal into a beautiful scar of fond memories. His won't. My life changed when I found out about Dennis' health issues in August. Now, with his death, it changes again.
Dennis & I met in the summer of '83 doing the show "Guys & Dolls." We became friends after that. We've helped each other through our 'ups & downs' in life for decades. My friend is dead and I'm numb. I'm happy his suffering is over, but selfishly I want more memories. I'll even take the hospital ones that are the latest. But not gone, not forever, not my friend.
Goodbye Dexi, I'll miss you the most.



Blogger Jim said...

Anything anyone says at these times seems trite, if only because you've heard it a million times. You're lucky you had such a special person in your life, for whatever quantity, its still the quality that counts.

8:20 PM  
Blogger knottyboy said...

The grief in Dennis' absence is a testament to how much impact he had while he was here. Jim's right when he says that nothing we say makes it better, but as long as you know that we understand that you're going through a great loss from a great man.
Be good to yourself mister,

9:08 AM  
Blogger CawfeeGuy said...

in lieu of saying "i'm sorry", i can only offer you my deepest sympathies and offer my most sincere condolences; i can't imagine the pain you feel...

10:07 AM  

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