I'm sorry sounds so cliché

My good friend Dennis (shirtless in the picture) died yesterday morning. He was seriously ill and had been hospitalized for a month. He wanted to go home so badly, luckily he did go home on Monday, and got to spend his final night at home. I'm pretty numb right now to be honest. I had just recently visited him in Boston last week and thought he wouldn't pass on for at least a few more months.

I didn't fool myself into thinking he would heal completely, I knew he wouldn't last but I had hope. Now all hope is gone. Dennis is gone. My friend is gone. And I'm walking around in a daze trying to think my way out of this mind fog. I feel sad. Sad for him mostly as I know he was sick , uncomfortable and weak. Ultimately, from what I understand, his heart couldn't hold out.

People say to me "I'm sorry." Why? Sorry appears to be the words to say to Dennis, not me. My sorrow will heal into a beautiful scar of fond memories. His won't. My life changed when I found out about Dennis' health issues in August. Now, with his death, it changes again.

Dennis & I met in the summer of '83 doing the show "Guys & Dolls." We became friends after that. We've helped each other through our 'ups & downs' in life for decades. My friend is dead and I'm numb. I'm happy his suffering is over, but selfishly I want more memories. I'll even take the hospital ones that are the latest. But not gone, not forever, not my friend.

Goodbye Dexi, I'll miss you the most.