MISSING: Tumbelina

I've lost my friend Tumbelina to the wilds of Alaska. She's gone on a respite from NYC and I think she's never coming back. Her return date keeps getting pushed further and further away. Supposedly, she's learning the craft of sewing so she can be the next Project Runway winner. Doesn't the world need a pink drag-queen clothing designer? Yes, yes we do. But my fears of her losing her lip gloss on some icy tundra, while watching polar bears eat seals may have come to fruition. Have you seen her? If you have give her warm pink clothing (only natural fibers and yes, she will wear fur), provide her with lots of liquor and pills (she'll decide which ones she needs) and make sure you have plenty of lip gloss and an Internet connection. You'll know when she's feeling better as she'll become increasingly belligerent and demanding. Tell her that Ryan Charisma misses her and NYC isn't the same.