MADONNA(ish)

The Gay Mafia & I

OK kiddies, I was requested to share another one of my "you won't believe my life" stories here on the blog. I'm not one to share too much personal stuff, but here it goes.

Approximately 5(ish) years ago my friend Jason (through a series of unfortunate events) found himself living on the floor of the offices of a notorious underground sex club here in NYC. He would sleep on the floor by night, and by day, barter his computer networking/web design skills. Sadly, this was good for him. Jason had, shall we say, an issue with Crystal Meth (Tina). So after months of living in this (purposely nameless) sex club's offices, Jason began to listen to conversations happening in the offices. He heard things, and thought he heard things, that made him uneasy. Mostly things pertaining to himself. Bob (the owner - not his real name) would say he didn't want Jason around anymore, why pay him and have him around all the time. Jason heard they were planning to "get rid" of him. As the cackling twinkie meth heads who worked in the office would discuss Jason too. Jason knew too much. Mostly things about the sex club, how it was run illegally. Where the money went. E-mails that were saved. Passwords. You get the picture. Now can I say this is true? No. What I can tell you is that there is some truth to all of this, and the information Jason had was real. Jason, one night in a fit of Tina induced terror, fled this sex club. But he locked down their hard drives by encrypting them and password protecting them and whatever else a networking expert can do. And only he had all the passwords. Jason in this flee had left most of his belongings behind in this sex club.

Fast forward a few weeks. Jason shows up at my apartment banging on the door. "You have to get out of here. You need to be gone tonight." "Why?" I ask. He then proceeds to tell me... He pissed off the wrong people, in negotiating with the sex club, and had corresponded with them from my home computer. I said "So? You didn't use my e-mail." And he said "No, but these people can get your IP address easy and show up. You, your roommate & the dog have to get out of her for your own safety. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to you." "Shit!" I think to myself. "What the fuck did you get into now?" He then explains that these people mean business, they're the dealers in the nightclubs and sex clubs and they are the GAY MAFIA. I was like, "oh yea, riiiight." He then said he made a list and handed it to me in a plastic/wax envelope. So as not to have fingerprints on the paper. This list consisted of all the low level drug dealers, the middle tear drug dealers, the sex workers & people who were making illegal money at this illegal sex club. Full names, phone numbers & e-mail addresses. I saw this list and handed it back to him and told him I want nothing to do with this and he was scaring me. He then told me I have to keep the door locked at all times and I have to keep the list as an insurance policy and with instructions that if anything happened to him, I was to bring the list immediately to any police station. "Fucking A" I'm thinking "how can you drag me into this?" I don't do drugs, I certainly don't go to illegal sex clubs. And I don't know anyone on the list. So I hid the list. No one would have found it. But the 3 of us (my roommate included) knew exactly where it was in case of emergency. I then told my friend that he needed to go home and trust that I won't be attacked in the middle of the night. I slept with one eye open for the following two months.

Needless to say, nothing came of this. I don't think Jason got his money, and I think the sex club has been shut down here in NYC. As for the list, it lasted for years in it's hiding place. That is until I moved a few years ago, which was years after Jason moved out of the city. I destroyed it. I wanted nothing to do with any of that. And Jason, he kicked the Tina. I'm very proud of him for that. But I'll never forget how the gay mafia was going to find me.

MAMMA MIA! (the movie)

Last night Michael treated Mr. Adam & myself to a private screening of Mamma Mia! the movie. This film had me ask the proverbial question "if a movie sucks so bad in the woods, does it make a sound?" Yes! Yes, it does and that sound of sucking, sounds an awful lot like Pierce Brosnan singing.

This movie was so bad, it was good. Literally, the audience laughed at the movie in many scenes. This movie stole two hours of my life that I'll never get back. Never. You ask "ryan charisma, but Meryl Streep is in it?" Well, yes - she is, and she's good in it too, but no amount of talent can save this film.

I want you all to know, I have not seen the Broadway show. And no, I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. I was thinking maybe this movie will ignite in me a desire/remorse of seeing this production on stage. But no. It didn't. As a matter of fact it terrifies me that someone watched this and said. Let's release this as a big summer blockbuster. I want their job. No, I don't only want them fired, I WANT THEIR JOB. I deserve it. I could have said in the screening, let's keep this one to ourselves guys. There's no reason to humiliate our company like this. I won't tell you to see this, because you would hate me. What you should do is buy this complete piece of badly done camp crap on DVD. It maybe worth money someday. It's that bad. Because it's sure isn't worth the price of a movie ticket here in NYC.

But I will admit, the shots of Greece are spectacular. I want to go now.

George Michael 25LIVE

Monday night, Mr. Adam took me to see George Michael. Yes, it's true, Mr. Adam is jealous of the love George & I share. But he took me regardless, why? Because in the words of George Michael, I'm 'too funky.'

So let me begin, this show was great. I think George sounded great. His set list was extensive and he played until 11:30pm. There was one 20 minute intermission. His set was astounding. I don't know how else to describe it other than an enormous carpet was hung high and dropped behind the stage and rolled down the stage floor and over onto the Madison Square Garden's floor. Only this rolled carpet was really a television screen. It was phenomenal to look at. The graphics alone must have cost a fortune. George was the only featured person on the stage. He had a big band of approximately 6-9 people, and 6 back-up singers. Mr. Michael rocked the Garden.

His chatter was sincere and he told us about why he didn't push any of his cd's after Faith. Because of his suing the American record labels. He then said that he would play many songs from Faith. After he thanked me personally for being one of the people that followed his career even during his litigation, even after his arrests (which I don't care about one bit). God I love him. Now I know what you're all thinking, "ryan charisma, is he still beautiful?" Well, I have to be honest. Mr. Michael is puffy and aging. His voice sounded great. He danced around and had only a few costume changes. He wore in Act I - black jeans, black belt, black button down & black jacket. I know - safe. Then Act II - black jeans, black belt, black pullover, grey jacket and for his final number (before the encores) he changed into a cop uniform for his song "outside." HOT! Yes he can wear a uniform. God, I love him. As for his songs, his catalogue is so extensive that it could have gone on for another hour. His final encore was Freedom and it was good. Did I mention how much I love George Michael?

FISA

Thanks OBAMA.

Magical Thinking

Well, momma has finished another book kids. I think my reading has gotten much faster in the past 6-9 months. Heh, I wrote 69! Anyway, this book by Augusten Burroughs is my fourth of his. And I'm gonna come right out and say it. Not his best book.

First off, this book unlike Running With Scissors or Dry is a collection of stories in no specific order or timeline. A hodge podge of stories, if you will. I personally appreciate his timeline memoirs more. I will repeat though that I always appreciate Mr. Burroughs writing more because he writes with a gay perspective, yet his stories aren't gay, per se. He has a voice I like when he writes. I find this book had more irony in it rather than, outright humor. I appreciate both, but a good laugh is always better.

As for the title "Magical Thinking" it's about Burroughs thinking he has the ability to cause things to happen with his mind. Like make his book a best seller, or wish someone dead. Sadly, I think the same thing sometimes. Does this make me evil, or simply God-like? I can't tell the difference sometimes. I think if I were a God I would be a benevolent dictator. As it should be. "ryan charisma, should I read this book?" No, read Dry by Mr. Burroughs, it's my favorite so far.

GET SMART

Monday Sam, Mr. Adam & I went to go see the matinee showing of the movie GET SMART. I have to say, I didn't really expect much from this movie. But I have to admit. I liked it. It was a funny movie. It really was. "ryan charisma, will this movie be just as good on DVD?" you ask. Well, yes. This film doesn't need the big screen to be entertaining.

I really appreciated how the movie followed the TV show. Were there differences? Yes, the story takes place in the present. So obviously, it had to be updated. Steve Carell (agent 86) was really good as was Anne Hathaway (agent 99). They made a fun team. I do have one question though. Why does the Rock want me to call him Dwayne? He must know that his real name doesn't fit him. It really doesn't. Should you see this movie? Yes, you should, but wait for DVD, spend money on the big special effect movies right now.

Good Riddence Ya Bastid!

I was away for the weekend and last night I got the news that Jerry L. Fawell, Sr. is dead.

Fucking Horray! What took ya so long to die off mutha-fucker?

Confessions of a Teenage Erotic Artist

As a kid, I was quite an artist. I could draw, paint and construct almost anything I wanted to. And quite well, I may add. One summer, I think I was probably around 13yo. I had a fascination with Superman, Batman & Robin. Why? Because I thought they were sexy. Huge muscles, and fun clothing. A gay boy's dream. (YES Virgina, gays are born that way) So, this specific summer day, my mother was in the backyard as was I, and I had left my sketch book on the table in our yard. Not thinking, I didn't mind my mother flipping through my sketch book. It was half full of my work. Some independent drawings, some sketches for school, and some charcoals for my private lessons I was taking. So mom comes across, drawings I did of said superheros. Superheros in compromising positions that a good Catholic boy shouldn't think of or create with a pencil & paper. Never mind, take part of. The most embarrassing sketches were pictures of the superheros' logos with their hard dick bursting through. (think a team mascot jumping through the paper hoop) Well, I thought my mother would die. I wished so bad that I would just evaporate into thin air. My mother tore the pages out of my sketch book and I was spoken to immediately. I was not to draw these type of pictures again. Ever. And I didn't. To this day. I was just a gay teen, I knew what I did was inappropriate but was it wrong? I had no gay clubs in school. I had no friends that were gay. I didn't even know gay people existed except for me, and some older kid Tommy who got beat up at school all the time. I filed this story under humiliation for the past 25 years or so.

*NOTE: I did not make this post's drawing.

Wanted

Last Saturday night I took Mr. Adam to see Wanted. I had wanted to see it 1) because I love action movies, 2) because I really like Angelina Jolie & 3) the special effects were rumoured to be spectacular.

I really liked this movie. I'm glad I got to see the special effects on a big screen. The story to this movie is blah. It's the same old, same old. Good guys, bad guys, and who is 'really' who? I would say that the special effects rivaled that of The Matrix. The gratuitous violence was at an all time high in this movie. But then again, how do you make a movie about a secret society of assassins and not have violence in it? I don't know either. But truly, just about everyone got a bullet through (not just in) their head. Sometimes it was a little gross. I don't like blood so much.

So would I recommend seeing this movie - HELL YES! I really liked it, and so did Mr. Adam.